Etcetera In Theory
by nIGHTSrAVEN47
Summary: What do you get when you have a princess with a sunphobia, her mysterious guard who seems to hate her, a prince who listens to his horse, and a villian who wants to be good? Etcetera in theory!


**Note:** And I'm at it again, with yet another comedy coming out of my strange little mind. I got this idea a while ago after seeing the movie **Happily N'Ever After**, making strange little jokes with my friend from the front row and got the idea to make my own little twisted fairy tale (speaking of which, you may see this title again if I ever gather my thoughts together enough to write a few of my more stranger, slightly morbid-but not too morbid, mind you-fairy tales. Don't hold your breath though, it may take a while). I'll try to keep this story from being too predictable-and if it is, at least in a funny way-or too random-most likely in a funny way-and I hope it will keep you entertained. If not, then may I be run down by an angry mob of rabid squirrels. Or something random like that...

.?.**Chapter One: And We Interupt Your Daily** **Something or Another For an Introduction**.?.

Once upon a time...

Something happened.

Oh come, what did you expect? It's the truth. Once upon, something _did_ happen, so, it's not like I'm lying or anything...

Ok, judging from the glares I'm getting from TS, I guess I have to elaborate on this fact more. So I will. But...Oh jesus, I forgot how to begin again...Ha ha, I kid, I kid. Don't worry, I'm not that much of an idiot...What, I'm not!

To begin, this story is a fairy tale. And like all fairy tales, it has a few certain details that are essentail to these stories:

To begin with, it takes place in a magical kingdom, complete with wizards-

**Wizards:** Yo.

-Magical creatures-

**Magical Creatures:** Wassup.

-And, the next, and probably the most important part of a detail, a beautiful, sheltered princess. Her name is Sulwyn, a name which means "sun blessed", which is quite ironic, but we'll get to that later.

Next, we have the princess' mysterious and brave guard, Roan. Roan has a story too, but we'll get to that later.

Running up, we have the handsome, smart, yet slightly dense, prince Kaleb, and his horse, Valiant-the horse _is_ important, trust me.

We also have the villian, Westley-ooh, scary-and his assistant, Carter.

Well, that just about wraps up all the important people worth mentioning. There's also a plot, and some backstories, and what not, but we can figure that out as we go along. But who am I, you're probably wondering? Well, I was born in a small log cabin in the woods on a snowey Tuesday in the middle of March-And TS is glaring at me, so I guess that wasn't funny. Well, I'm the Narrator. I write the story your so patiently waiting for, and try not to piss of TS...too much. TS is The Storyteller. TS pretty much sits next to me and makes sure I don't screw anything up...too much. TS is the only one who really knows the stories, and uses me to write them down when he thinks the details he's telling over and over are starting to get a bit blurry. It's no use asking who we really are, whether we're boys or girls, or even where we are when we're writing; It's not worth it really, we're not allowed to tell you. We both have rules and that's one of them. Guess you'll just have to suffer under the mystery.

But now, I guess it's time to get to the actual story. TS is getting impatient, and there are just some stories that need to be told as quick as possible, even for a procrastinator like me...

_Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had a problem. This beautiful princess was born into a wonderful life, given a wonderful name, raised by wonderful parents, and was altogether wonderful. There was only one problem with this wonderful princess..._

"AAAHHHH! CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT! IT'S GETTING CLOSER! MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!"

One of the maid's sighed as the shrieking grew louder and more frantic, rolling her eyes as one of the younger maids glanced out the door, looking at the panicking princess Sulwyn with a look of distress. "It happened again..."

The older maid shrugged, going back to her laundry. "Better go in and close the window before the girl passes out again from all that screaming."

The younger maid sighed, scuttling out from the room, walking past the princess who was shrieking, curled up in a corner, staring at the thing that was frightening her so much. "Please, Lady Sulwyn, you must calm down," The maid said softly, closing the window, making the girl immediately stop screaming. "It's just a little sunlight."

_Oh, yes. Our wonderful little princess' problem? She's scared of sunlight.  
When she was a baby, washed clean after her mothers labor, wrapped in a soft blanket, her parents saw that they had produced a perfect child, with a soft spray of light blonde hair, big cerulean eyes, and perfect, unblemished, cashmere soft skin. They were amazed...and became a bit obsessed. As they saw the dirty, sunburnt faces of the people around them, they feared that their daughter's own perfect skin might suffer this horrible tragedy. So...They told a little lie. As she grew up, her parents made sure the sun never graced her perfect features, carrying her in a covered carriage any time she left the palace, making sure she was shaded anytime she went outside. As her life went like this, the princess became paranoid, and began believing that sunlight was poisonnous, and would kill her if it ever even fell on her.  
I'd say this was just a joke, but it's too stupid to make up, seriously._

"Maybe to you..." Whispered Sulwyn, whose voice was sore from screaming so much, brushing off her full skirts as she stood up, her pale hands standing out in contrast to the saphire blue material of her dress.

"Sulwyn! Sulwyn, what's wrong?" The beautiful Queen, Sulwyn's mother, ran up to her, her caramel colored hair bouncing around her shoulders as she bustled down the hall, her personal maid scurrying behind her.

"Mother!" Sulwyn ran up, throwing herself into her mothers arms, her light blonde hair, hiding her face as she buried it into her mother's chest. "It was horrible! I tripped, and I opened a window, and I almost fell into a beam of sunlight! I was so scared!"

"Oh, darling..." Her mother cooed, as the maids gave each other warried, tired glances. "It's alright now, you're alright..."

"But mother..." Sulwyn sobbed, biting her lip for a moment. "What if I accidentally fall out of my carriage or something of the like while travelling? And what if the prince's family doesn't understand how much sunlight hurts me?"

"Don't worry, my dear," Her mother said soothingly, stroking her daughter's hair. "We have already discussed it, and they have told us that they will be perfectly able to suit your needs in this situation..."

_We now enter the new step in the plot: The prince. A few months ago, the king and queen we heard of earlier met with another king and queen-I don't know, maybe they had brunch or something. Well, this king and queen had a boy, who was apparently not competant enough to find a wife of his own-the boy listens to a _horse_ for christ's sake-so they decided that they should marry off their children, and everything would be all rainbows and cookies. Suuuure, because we all love a story that ends the way everyone think it should.  
So, the princess would be travelling to the home of her new husband-to-be. But not alone, of course! Her parents have invested the aide of a brave knight to guard her on her journey. This knight's name is Roan._

"When do we leave?" Roan's voice was low and scratchy, like someone getting over a sore throat. He wore a dark cloak with the hood pulled up, shadowing his face. This made the King suspicious.

"Why don't you show your face, Sir Roan?"

Roan made a small, throaty sound, which probably passed for a chuckle. "M'lord, there are some things about myself I prefer to keep hidden, and by showing my face to you, I would be revealing quite a few of them. Your face can say more things about what you truly think and feel than any words that escape your lips."

"I...see..." The King said, clearing his throat. "You will leave tonight. You will travel at night as much as possible, for the sake of my daughter, and make sure she is safe from harm...and the sun."

Roan found most of these request ridiculus, but didn't say so, just bowed. "Yes sir. I'll make sure we are prepared promptly." He then turned and walked out of the throne room, the end of his dark cloak billowing behind him, leaving the King alone.

"Strange strange boy..." The king muttered, shaking his head a little. "But he came so well recommended, I guess it doesn't matter..."

_Suuure it doesn't...  
But anyway, later that night, Roan and Princess Sulwyn prepared to depart. Sulwyn exchanged heartfelt goodbyes with her parents-_

"Oh, Mother, Father, I will miss you so!" Sulwyn said as she hugged her parents.

"We shall too, my dear," Her mother said.

"Be safe, my lovely daughter," Her father said.

"Can we go now?" Roan muttered, trying to control his gag reflex.

_-And they started their long journey to Princess Sulwyn's new home and husband. Prepared for anything, what perils will they encounter? How will they overcome them?_

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"...Are we there yet now?"

"No."

"...Are we there yet now?"

_'This is going to be a looong trip...'_

_And the Journey begins._


End file.
